Uncertainty of future

There are moments when future seems settled and predictable. Then there are moments of pure chaos, with nothing and no one to hold onto.

Strangely enough, despite pure chaos being dangerous and unpredictable its also very alive. While settled future may sound great in theory, on practice too much certainty robs life of change, making days, months, years go buy while nothing actually happens. As if you already died, but just not aware of it. As if you are caught in cryo chamber, but unlike science fiction characters are never going to get out. And thus your body technically staying alive your soul is trapped forever in an chilling world where nothing ever happens.

So again and again I come to conclusion that life should be measured by number of radical changes, unexpected turns of fate and not by years passed.

This explains why some very short periods of time can feel like the whole life, full of unforgettable impressions. And some years just come and go like seconds, unnoticed and uneventful.

Why then we fear uncertain future? Of course, uncertainty can be negative. Loosing one’s job, family, health sounds terrifying. But even painful changes can be used in ones favor, used to learn invaluable lessons, to draw energy and motivation from. Besides by concentrating only on potential negative events we overlook

the positive side of chaos

Because you can meet new friends, jobs, and hope as suddenly as loose them. So the most scary thing is probably avoiding the chaotic side of life altogether,

being trapped by fear in life-long nothingness of unchangeable routine.

Pain-tolerance and mistake-tolerance, ability to start all over again are what necessary to actually start living and look for the positive depths of chaos behind its intimidating and disturbing surface. To grow through pain like all life does, because life in human in essence is no different from a life in a plant. It has to constantly run to evolve or decay if stopped even for a brief moment.

Enough abstract thoughts, tomorrow is a day of negotiation at work. A time to convince and to trade with my boss. Regardless of outcome I plan to congratulate myself for finally being brave enough to start living. Being brave enough to fall and rise again.