Miss the old job

I really do miss it, at least some parts of being a geophysicist. Like having actual self-respect because you do a job you believe in. The occupation serving practical purpose in a great industry. Not some abstract data hoarding at obscure university which I facilitate right now.

But now when I start remember the long-gone feeling of satisfaction with the job, not all part of being a geophysicist seemed great. There was one particular side which attracted me the most. It was work with geophysical equipment – ingenious hardware used on ships to gather all kinds of data.

For some reason I was fascinated with all kinds of equipment the first time I saw them as a geophysics student. But due to my shame and sometimes “scary and rude” professors I was too afraid to actually tell anybody about my fondness for complex scientific hardware. My skills always seemed to lacking and colleagues actually working with geophysical instruments appeared super-humans, half-gods half-machines.

Ok, maybe I exaggerate to a degree, but I definitely was afraid of even thinking of making a mistake with such advanced and expensive equipment. I couldn’t imagine the shame and pain of being an inferior engineer.

So I’ve chosen an easy, bulletproof option of interpreting geophysical data instead of following my vacation of work with equipment.

I looked longingly at equipment every time it was prepared for the next field mission. It was gathered and tested by my colleagues and co-students who were braver and seemed to be better then me in all regards.

I think choosing a path of the least resistance is natural human behavior and unfortunately quite present in my life. Mostly due to fear of making a mistake. Sometimes I feel like I will be crucified on the cross of shame by the cold and arrogant stares of my accusers after a committing

CARDINAL SIN OF MISTAKE

Now, being separated by many years from “happy childhood”, the wave of shame is starting to subside, revealing the previously hidden depths of my personality. A personality surprisingly full of daring and willingness to take risk. After all, risk paves the path to the life my heart longs for.

Part of this “heart chosen life” is working on the edge of science and technology, the happiness of being able to touch new scientific equipment, the physical results of my labor and imagination.

With God’s help anything is possible!